i have loads of feelings to be expressed right now..
anger..
depression...
they are hunting my mind...
it suffers me a lot....
not happy...

now i know the true meaning of 大难临头,各自飞...
n
i need to 'wake up' from now that
there is no such word 'fairness' in the world..
perhaps,
it can be there,
but,
for sure,
it's not with my world..
i hold for it when i started to think..
but...
now only i realised, it's wrong.
perhaps,
it's my individual/ own thought!
wad so v call it in chinese?
一厢情愿...
i need to wake up before i fall...
i need to rethink of the worthiness to help the others..
they will nvr appreciate..
how i know that?
when there is a trouble..

many ppl say that,
v need not to be rewarded by helping each other,
but,
do they realize
they are actually doing not the same thing?
ya,
it's true when u r helping ppl without thinking the matter of reward..
but,
when u need help but no one there to be ready for u n to be ignored,
u will actually get hurt..
it's much the same way you are waiting to be 'rewarded' but only in different way............

now i realised that...
those '-ship -ship -ship' in my world are't long-lasting..
except for the love from my lover n family..